lingonberry pickers

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Post by Pettytyrant101 Sun Nov 09, 2014 8:44 pm

So far all Ive had the chance to read was the bit Halfy quoted above- which sold me on its own, loved it.
Hopefully get round to it tonight.

(I am always genuinely stunned by how well you Fjordians construct sentences in English, it really should be harder than this!!!- it is for me Mad )

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Post by Bluebottle Sun Nov 09, 2014 11:19 pm

Well, I think my process at the moment goes a bit like; write it, shake your head at it, post it.

Still, would be fun to hear what you think. Wink

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Post by Eldorion Mon Nov 10, 2014 4:18 pm

Oh, you know us Americans and our silly names. Razz

I kinda like that you're actually spending time to cover the train journey. I know that when I've been tempted to just say "and then they were all really bored on the long trip" when writing and skip to the destination, but doing the legwork here gives a much better sense of the distance they actually have to go and the remoteness of the final destination. Plus it's a good opportunity for character-driven dialogue. Nod
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Post by Forest Shepherd Mon Nov 10, 2014 6:41 pm

Eldorion wrote:Oh, you know us Americans and our silly names. Razz

I kinda like that you're actually spending time to cover the train journey.  I know that when I've been tempted to just say "and then they were all really bored on the long trip" when writing and skip to the destination, but doing the legwork here gives a much better sense of the distance they actually have to go and the remoteness of the final destination.  Plus it's a good opportunity for character-driven dialogue. Nod
A fact well-used in the better horror films of our time! Or mountain-climbing films, or.. well any story involving the departure of a group of people from society and into the wilds.

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Post by Bluebottle Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:09 pm

Eldorion wrote:and the remoteness of the final destination.

Forest Shepherd wrote:into the wilds.

Those weren't my words, just saying.  Laughing

Eldorion wrote:Plus it's a good opportunity for character-driven dialogue. Nod

Looking over it, it does look a bit like a collection of random conversations, but I guess that's what people have.. random conversations.  Razz

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Post by Amarië Mon Nov 10, 2014 11:15 pm

Nice, Blue. It felt real. With all the - as you say - random conversation and slightly awkward silences. I hope you keep going.

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Post by Eldorion Tue Nov 11, 2014 4:38 am

I won't hold you to our speculation, so long as it's entertaining. Nod
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Post by Bluebottle Tue Nov 11, 2014 8:21 pm

Oh, I'm just not sure it's a good idea for me to characterize the destination as such, that's all. Sofa Wink

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Post by Bluebottle Tue Nov 11, 2014 8:21 pm

Amarië wrote:Nice, Blue. It felt real. With all the - as you say - random conversation and slightly awkward silences. I hope you keep going.

Well, I'm glad you still like it. Smile

I have some ideas that'll keep it going a while longer, hopefully. Nod

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Post by Norc Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:35 pm

i like it so far, and i think i can see where this is going..

just a little tip, there is not much point in a character study if we are unsure of who says what and their reactions. the first paragraph in particular is just several lines stacked on top of each other. this could work for a small fraction between two people, but not that much, preferably avoid it if there is no strong intentions behind it. with three people, it's chaos. so please write who says what Wink
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Post by halfwise Wed Nov 12, 2014 8:58 pm

I didn't have any problems following it....

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Post by Eldorion Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:04 pm

Yeah, I thought it was clear, too.
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Post by halfwise Wed Nov 12, 2014 9:30 pm

I do see what Norc is saying, there's an entire 2 page journal article on the order of 4 sentences of dialogue in Hemingway's "A Clean, Well-Lighted Place". Just to establish which of two waiters said what based on the context and characters.

So once Blue becomes a famous writer he'll have supplied material for young literature students. Nod

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Post by Norc Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:25 pm

well, it's not a huge problem, but if it is not absolutely clear who says what, it can be difficult to follow, especially when there's more than two people talking. but hey i like this way of writing, stacking dialogue on top of each other, i do it myself, but again, make it very clear. it's a very vivid.. a fuck i do it in norwegian.

det er et veldig artig virkemiddel å jobbe med, men gjør det med omhu Wink som med alle virkemidler, det må komme tydelig fram akkurat hva du vil oppnå med å bruke det. denne måten å skrive dialog på som er nesten litt teatermanus er svært effektfult om du vil ha en levende samtale med kjappe replikker, veldig bra, thumbs up. men bare ha i bakhodet at samme  virkemiddel kan brukes for å skape kaos, derfor er det viktig med små linjer som hinter til hvem som sier hva. dette trenger ikke være lange utbroderinger, kanskje bare en handling de gjør. det fleste gangene en(du) bruker dette så kommer det tydelig fram, men jeg synes av og til det ble litt vanskelig å følge det du skrev og jeg måtte gå tilbake for å dobbeltskjekke. men ellers bra skrevet, spennende, gleder meg til å lese videre Smile
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Post by Norc Thu Nov 13, 2014 10:28 pm

maybe i focused too much on a few places... it's not a huge problem you have, it was only meant as a small tip.

i am sorry if i made a sour mood, i didn't mean to .
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Post by Pettytyrant101 Fri Nov 14, 2014 12:12 am

I'm sure you didnt sour the mood at all Norc.
I find when Im writing whilst its always nice to get praise its nowhere near as useful as someone offering constructive criticism in a nice way, which you did.

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Post by Eldorion Fri Nov 14, 2014 4:21 am

Yeah, criticism is definitely a good thing. Smile
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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 6:53 pm

Make a sour mood? By giving me constructive critisism? You could never do that. I appreciate it, really. Smile

It was certainly something I played around with a bit. Like in the last conversation in the last part where you only discover through reading it after four or five lines that it's Ringo and Blue that's talking, and you discover a further couple of lines later that Nora isn't even there. And, yeah, generally I wanted these conversations to have a bit a feel of beeing a bit fleeting, like things only heard in passing, if that makes any sense. So, the way it's done is kind of intentional. That's not to say it always worked though. I can see it's a bit messy in some places.

Generally, I've written it by signifying the two people talking at the start of the conversation, and then noting if the third person joins in.

Though I guess it can demand a bit much work on behalf of the reader. I might look over it. Would be interested to hear which parts you focused on in particular if you have the bother.

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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 6:54 pm

Norc wrote:det er et veldig artig virkemiddel å jobbe med, men gjør det med omhu Wink som med alle virkemidler, det må komme tydelig fram akkurat hva du vil oppnå med å bruke det. denne måten å skrive dialog på som er nesten litt teatermanus er svært effektfult om du vil ha en levende samtale med kjappe replikker, veldig bra, thumbs up. men bare ha i bakhodet at samme  virkemiddel kan brukes for å skape kaos, derfor er det viktig med små linjer som hinter til hvem som sier hva. dette trenger ikke være lange utbroderinger, kanskje bare en handling de gjør. det fleste gangene en(du) bruker dette så kommer det tydelig fram, men jeg synes av og til det ble litt vanskelig å følge det du skrev og jeg måtte gå tilbake for å dobbeltskjekke. men ellers bra skrevet, spennende, gleder meg til å lese videre Smile

You are so a born teacher. Laughing

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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:07 pm

Ok, next part. Stepping off the train..

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Part 5 wrote:"So, this is Bodø," Blue said as he and Ringo were getting their luggage off the train at Bodø Station, Nora having found this an opportune moment to go say goodbye to the two Americans. "Station isn't much to write home about."
"Neither is the city to be honest," Ringo added. "Unless you like fighter jets."
He had been to Bodø a couple of times, none of them very inspiring. An unremartkable destination in an unremarkable location.
"Though I'm being a bit unfair. it's not any worse than most other places. This whole thing with Bodø and it's repuation.. it's mostly down to mentality, I think. And mostly propogated by people who live here."
It was strange to contemplate this was how far the trains went. Ringo prefered travelling by plane when going up north, but working for the fjordlandian governement he had also been subject to these long haul train journeys before. It was good to finally have gotten.. about half way. He shook his head to himself.
"Anything wrong?" Blue asked.
"Oh, no. Just pondering. Life, you know." Travelling, travelling, treavelling. Hey, there was probably a song in there somewhere. Well, it was a troll hunters life. "You?"
"No, not really. The same, really. Life."
"So.. this thing with you and and Nora.."
"Oh, that.. yeah... Ah," Blue said as his phone rang." I better go meet this person that's taken the bother to come down and collect us."
Ringo pondered whether he rigged that phone to get himself out of awkward conversations.

"So, did you get to say goodbye properly?" Ringo said to Nora when she came walking over.
"Oh, yeah." Nora smiled. "It's nice meeting people from different countries, you get an insight into different cultures, you know. Also someone gave them directions in nynorsk, and they didn't understand a word. I had to help them translate."
"Good to hear someone still writing nynorsk." Ringo said, pleasantly surprised.
"Oh, you like nynorsk too?" Nora smiled.
"Love it. It's the only true form of fjordlandian, after all."
"True."
"You know, I even went to a nynorsk school." It was a nice little school, Ringo reflected. And because of the intervention of the mininster at Ringos behest it was still going.  
"Lucky you."
"You didn't?"
"No, I had to find my to loving it myself. Or something like that." Nora laughed. "I used to annoy Blue with sending him information in nynorsk. Since he's a civil servant he has to answer in the same form."
"I'm sure he enjoyed that." Ringo laughed.
"Not so much. He said he can't spend half his day staring into a dictionary. So, I sent him an enquiery as to whether it was a good thing for ministry employees to spend half their day with their heads in dictionaries.. in nynorsk."
"That's some epic level analog trolling. Excuse the expression."
"It was, yeah." Nora smiled devilishly. "The expression?"
"Well. I'm not sure it's all that good an idea for troll hunters to throw the word troll around willy nilly like that."
"Yeah, that's probably true. People might think you don't take it seriusly." Nora agreed. "And there are enough deniers around as there is."
"Tell me about it." Ringo sighed. It wasn't enough that you were risking your life on a daily basis, when half the population also didn't belive what you were risking your life protecting them from existed.
 
Blue came walking over with two very simlar looking people. It wasn't often Ringo had to look up at people, but these two towered over him. One of the two, who struck Ringo as familiar, stood out by sporting a traitional gákti. A bit much for everyday, Ringo thought. But it did supply a certain stylishness.
"Well, I'm happy to introduce.." Blue began.
"I don't think any introductions are necessary." The man clad in the gákti smiled broadly as Nora almost knocked him over with a hug.
"Hi Huff, great to see you," Nora said, smiling just as broadly.
"And nice to see you again, Ringo." Huff said, putting Nora down and shaking Ringos hand. "It's been a couple of years, hasn't it."
"Oh, of course. Good to see you again." Ringo answered smiling.
"And this is my brother, Juff." More handshaking followed.
"You're twins?" Ringo asked.
"Identical." They replied in chorus.
"You know these people too?" Ringo asked Nora. "Is there anyone you don't know?"
"I know Huff. We went to school together, didn't we Huff. I think I've only seen Juff in family pictures and so on."
"That's where most people know me from," Juff admitted. He seemed to lack his brothers good humour.
"Well, no reason to stand around here," Huff said smiling. "It's quite a drive we have ahead of us."
"Yeah, I'm starting to grasp getting around anywhere up north takes quite the effort." Blue put in.
"Starting to grasp.." Nora said shaking her head. "Try living with it."
"Just so." Huff said smiling. "The car is just over here."


Last edited by Bluebottle on Wed Dec 03, 2014 11:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:01 pm

I just kept writing..

Though it's more travelling, and talking, I'm affraid. Razz

Part 6 wrote:"So, you went to school together," Ringo asked.
"Yeah, music school." Nora smiled.  "I played a respectable instrument, the violin. Now what did you play, Huff?"
"I played the euphonium." Huff said proudly.
"The euphonium?" Ringo enquiered.
"Oh, we just call it euph. It's this conical bore instrument.."
"Conical bore? Do I want to know?"
"It just means that the diameter of the bore or opening decreases linearly with distance from the end of the instrument."
"Oh."
"Yeah, I guess you have to know what it is for that to make sense."
"Think of it as a miniature tuba." Nora suggested.
"It's not a miniature tuba." Huff said shaking his head. "More like an upstanding trombone." He said to Ringo.
"Also, what to call an euphonium player is one of the big questions of classical music." Nora persisted.
"Oh, don't start that again." Huff implored.
"Well, what are we supposed to call you?" Nora asked jokingly. "Euphoniumist, euphophonist, euphonist, euphists, euphologists? They are all accepted."
"Just Huff will do." Huff said. They seemed to have been through just this conversation many times before.
The exchanging of old school stories continued for a while.
"Do you remember when I lifted you and those two other guys?" Huff asked Nora.
"Remember? I still have the bruises." Nora replied sardonically.
"Really?"
"No, not really. It was impressive though."
"You lifted three people?" Ringo inquiered shocked.
"Yes, though that was in my lifiting days. Training for nationals." Huff responded.
"Impressive."
"Well, I was lifting euphoniums my whole youth, it builds the muscles." Huff shrugged.
"Didn't you play something too, Blue?" Ringo asked.
"The guitar, yeah."
"Well, you should start a band." Ringo said enthusiasticly.
"Violin, euphonium and guitar? Are you sure?" Nora responded a tad skeptically.
"Violin and guitar fits quite well together." Ringo ventured.
"And the euphonium?" Nora persisted.
"Horn bass?" Ringo suggested.
"You now, that's not a half bad idea. Though I guess that means you would have to learn the drums." Blue laughed.
"Haha, didn't think of that." Ringo admitted.
-
"Can't we just get this part over with already." Blue complained. "Even I'm getting bored with all this travelling."
"Still a good while to go I'm affraid." Juff put in.
"Perhaps it's a good time for us to get out and strech our feet a bit, get something to eat. I know this great place up ahead, that overlooks the fjord beautifully." Huff suggested.  
"Were have 6 hours of driving left and you want to stop to eat?" Juff asked Huff.
"Thought that might be nice. Show the southerners some northern culture."
"You guys go ahead. I have to look to the car anyway." Juff said.
"Do they have troll cream?" Nora asked Huff.  
"Of course they have troll cream, this is the north." Huff answered.
"Oh, true. Great. Yum."
"It is getting rarer and rarer though. If this years picking season goes as badly as feared.."
"There'll be no troll cream next year, at all." Nora said sadly. Or perhaps scared was closer to the truth.
"Well, let's not dwell on that then." Ringo suggested with a smile somewhere between compassion and amusement.


Last edited by Bluebottle on Wed Dec 03, 2014 11:55 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Post by Amarië Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:53 pm

Bodø hating?! Shocked Brave boy! Laughing

I chuckled at the euphonium banter {{{I love you korpsnerding I love you }}}

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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 9:14 pm

I did say it wasn't any worse than anywhere else. Sofa

Though, I'm only going on stuff I've heard. It might be charming for all I know.

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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 9:17 pm

"He's very pertinent about his car," Huff wispered as they walked to the resturant. Juff had already gotten the hood up and seemed busy checking.. something.

"God, you weren't kidding about the view." Blue said. "That's pretty stunning."
"Yes." Ringo couldn't help but agree.
"Southerners," Nora said rolling her eyes.
"Well, I guess you're used to it." Ringo smiled.

The landscape before them was covered in the early winter snow. The blueness of the ice and sea contrasted the golden colour of the setting sun. So rarely seen in the north at those times.

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Post by Bluebottle Fri Nov 28, 2014 9:19 pm

And finally.  Smile

Part 7 wrote:"..Reindeer.. should go with red wine I guess. That Yarra Valley pinot noir, is that a 2011 or 2012?" Blue asked the waiter.
"Does it matter? Nora asked.
"Actually, the vintage is often as important as a lot of other factors, and it somethign people often don't contemplate. 2011? Well, I think we'll go with that then."
-
-
"Well, if this is what northern cooking is, I might want some more of it." Blue said tucking in.
"Just wonderful."Ringo said.
"Nothing like it." Nora agreed.
"This your first time up this year?" Huff asked Ringo.
"First, yeah. They've had me coordiating down south."
"Rather you than me." Huff smiled.
"So, this troll hunting.. You make it all sounds rather interesting." Blue commented.
"Oh, it's nothing as interesting as people make it out to be," Ringo admitted. "Though you don't normally tell people that, of course. It's more difficult around this time of year. This far north the snow has started to fall, so they're rushing the get the berries picked. And that's when the trouble often start."
"Any of you guys been troll hunting?" Huff asked the others.
"I could tell you, but then I'm affraid I would have to.. you know." Nora said smiling broadly. "Honestly though, we don't talk about that stuff. It's all very hush hush, I'm affraid. she said tapping her nose."  
"I always wonderd why you agents go around adveretizing yourselves, isn't half the point of being an agent to be anonymous?" Blue asked.
"That depends on whether your acting in your official function, or you're actually under cover." Nora said rolling her eyes.
"What if you're an agent undercover as an agent`?"
"Err.. you'd be an agent agent?"
"Oh, it wasn't meant as a brain teaser. But, yeah, I'd guess you would." Blue smiled.
"You ever been troll hunting, Blue?" Ringo asked.
"Oh, I do not involve myself in military affairs. You know that."
"None of us can really talk. It must be hard doing a job defending people from something most politicians and half the country don't believe exist." Huff said to Ringo in a friendly tone.  
"Well, it's not easy." Ringo answered empathically. "You just try to do a good job. If those politicians would come up north and ask people I think they'd find people are very happy for our services."  
"Were sure they are." Nora said smiling broadly while wagging her eyebrows
"What?"
"What? We all know what they say about troll hunters. You have the worst reputation in the whole of Fjordlandia. A woman in each town, if not more."
"Or a man." Huff added.
"Or a man." Nora agreed.
"Really?" Blue said. "I thought that just a foreign rumour."
"Oh, thats.. Let's just say the rumours are exessive." Ringo put in.
"Yes, but by how much. That's what were all wondering." Blue said narrowing his eyes.
"We don't need any details mind," Nora added hastily
"Oh, I couldn't.. possibly.. comment," Ringo said turning red.
"Hey, you might make an agent yet." Nora laughed at him.
-
-
"It's your birthday today isn't it," Blue said to Nora.
"How did you know," Nora said narrowing her eyes. "That's classified information."
"Err.. Still, we really should get you something to celebrate."
"Some champagne perhaps," Ringo suggested. "To go with the troll cream."
"Yes, please." Nora smiled.
"Actually with champagne you pay a lot extra just because of where it's made. Htere are some other areas that produces distinct and just as good sparkling wine in france that's avaiable a lot cheaper compared to the quality ofr price. Cremant de Bourgogne and Cremant de Limoux for instance."
"Really?" Nora said.
"What about Italian sparkling wine?" Ringo asked.
"Not so much." Blue replied.
"Spanish?" Huff ventured.
"Meh.. It has to be french for some reason. For me anyway. Why don't we try this Cremant de Limoux." Blue snapped the menu shut calling the waiter.


Last edited by Bluebottle on Wed Dec 03, 2014 11:56 pm; edited 2 times in total

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“We're doomed,” he says, casually. “There's no question about that. But it's OK to be doomed because then you can just enjoy your life."
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Bluebottle
Bluebottle
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Join date : 2013-11-09
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