A Song of Sludge and Mud

Ser Bungo and Ser Malick staggered into the Comfy Throne room and swayed gently in the Buckie fumes reeking from King Petty of Crabbit.
''WELL'' he grumbled, ''Speak! what news from the Nacho Wall?''
Bungo and Malick were bloody and torn, they had what looked suspiciously like cat scratches on their faces and buttocks. they didnt look happy at all.
''We are torn Milord, those Weta Walkers came opon us and we had to flee for our lives!''
''yea'' panted Malick, all we had to defend ourselves where putrid geoducks we clawed from the frozen ground''
''yea'' gurgled Bungo, ''and then wild Torners chased us and bitch slapped us for miles and miles until our little legs were like jelly''.
''it was horrible Milord, sobbed Malick ''they were....oh may the beast with two backs save us!.........supercilious!''
There was a gasp of outrage from the courtiers around the throneroom.
King Petty drew himself up to his full height threw his fag to the ground, (who scuttled away to wash) and thundered.
''Outrage! call the deadly House Fyord, House Bumfluff and sound the drums! I am really ticked off!

Mrs Figg wrote:King Petty drew himself up to his full height threw his fag to the ground, (who scuttled away to wash)...

Hee hee.. always much to muchly admire and bits like the bit above especially muchly much to admire.   

Orwell wrote:

Mrs Figg wrote:King Petty drew himself up to his full height threw his fag to the ground, (who scuttled away to wash)...

Hee hee.. always much to muchly admire and bits like the bit above especially muchly much to admire.   

Erm.. What?
I enjoyed it too anyway!

fags are cigarette butts in the UK, the word butts probably not opportune.

 
Yeah I know of the British usage of "fag." I was questioning Orwell's grammar choices. Now I understand better what was going on there.

I take great offence at the whole thing, me, a Scotshobbit, throwing a fag end away rather than keeping it in a small pouch attached to my belt to skin down later to use the last of the baccy in it in a rolly when cash is tight. Its a sully on my good name as a Scotshobbit throwing stuff away like that!   

Damn straight!
Erm.. um yes what he said.

Fag =/= Fag.
Must remember that.

 Did I once hear somewhere something about it being 'the fag end of Summer' or similar? Or did I just dream it?

Indeed the end of summer is the fag end. The butt of summer.
Not to confused with any US gay pride parades which feature fags buts.

Horns were sounded and flags unfurled as something orrible this way came.
The doors of the Comfy throneroom crashed asunder, gasps of fear echoed from brazen walls.
Lady Norcling of House Fyord and Ser Ringlet of House Grylls had arrived. They shuntered forward, their knuckles grazing the ground, or was that the foppish sleeves they wore? nobody knew.
They smelled of fear, but maybe that was fermented Herring. nobody knew.
''I say you two'' said King Petty, ''Muster my army, take my bestest Champions and capture the castle of the Moffat, that scurvy dog whose wives are forced to wear mini skirts and simper at his lame jokes''.
A shudder went round the room, Moffat had long plagued Queens Mincing and had sent over vile scripts which he had catapulted over the ramparts, the bloody remains of once loved tv characters made women faint, men quail, it was too much to bear.

"made women faint"


Sexist!  

yes he is   

 

 

 Do only men like Petty quail - or is that another sexist aside as well, Mrs Figg?

 

Gender roles are hard!